Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
