I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
