I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Randomize
