It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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