Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
