I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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