just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
