did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
