i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
