I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Randomize
