So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Randomize
