eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
