$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
