my sisters under your porch take her home
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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