Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Randomize
