oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
