ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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