it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
