Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
