I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
