If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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