My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
