I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
