No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
