Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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