don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
