I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Do you remember whose house we're in?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
