Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
