I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
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You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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