Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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