i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
