When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
