I think I just saw someone hide a body.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
