she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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