Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
