Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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