I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
