He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
