Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
