He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
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