What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
