remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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