You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
