guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
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I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
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Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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