True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
