I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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