Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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