Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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