I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
All I want is dick and wine.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
