Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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