he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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