Cold hands, warm shart.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
