My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
