There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
