Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
