I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
39 Memes Anyone Who Cries When They See Their Bank Account Will Relate To
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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