May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.