Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious