He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
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