we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
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i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
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At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok