So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
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Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol