"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
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You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
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I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life