I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.