I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
