Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
