Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
she told me i tasted like america
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Let the clothes fall where they may.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
