I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
