I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
