I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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