I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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