never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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