Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
