i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
