i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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