Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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